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Dreams are what you wake up from.

14 years of Livejournalling, and hopefully, more to come.

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:: Cry and Let Cry ::

:: Cry and Let Cry ::

I suddenly recalled the period when Franc Franc had FIP.
There was a particular moment in time
When I realised that he would not be able to make it much longer.
I sobbed uncontrollably, holding on to Franc Franc.
M and M were in the room, and they watched me sob.

Do you know the sound of an uncontrollable sobbing?
It is the sound of weeping convulsively
Loudly and gasping for air.
It is the sound which Fai made in the bar,
Holding on to the tape recorder close to his face
So that no one would see him do it, in
Happy Together.

While it was a heart-wrenching moment for me,
It was also an expression of what I felt for FF,
And that I was prepared to do what I had to do,
Which was to have the courage to put him to sleep
And end his misery.

We went to the vet a few days later.

While I would deem myself to be a very positive person.
Optimistic. Resilient. I do have my moments when
Sadness, like a wave of heated air
Would engulf me, leaving me forlorn,
Crestfallen, desolate.

But I need no words of comfort, nor hugs.
This is because, like the last major outburst
I did for Franc Franc, sadness is a feeling that I
Need to simply feel. It is a reconciliation of me
As a person, of what is inside me with
What is outside of me. It makes me human.

So when I feel emotional, let me cry.
I will have a good cry.
Maybe we will have a good cry together.
And then we can help wipe each others' tears dry.
We can then smile, and greet
The brand new day.

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Now, that is what crying is all about. Greeting the brand new day with a smile.

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