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Dreams are what you wake up from.

14 years of Livejournalling, and hopefully, more to come.

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:: Taking Care of Others ::

:: Taking Care of Others ::

A good start to morning – I was listening to this

Cute song by The Cure on Lush FM:

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Oh, Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love
Saturday, wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday, never hesitate...

Only to be disrupted by my younger brother Bren.

Just passed his birthday in August in his twenty first,

I learned that he has been smoking for a while, and that

He has borrowed some money from a friend

And is in debt. I am affected, because there are a few

Underlying issues – first of all, he did not approach me

For money even though he needed the cash.

Secondly, he was willing to get himself in debt for

Things like cigarettes and his bike installment.

While I will help him with his situation, I wonder

What would be the best course of action.

Helping to repay, without a firm commitment from Bren

Not to borrow again, will only exacerbate the borrowing

Habit – if we do not drill down to the real cause

Of the problem. I asked for the contact of his friend

Which he borrowed from. And then, a commitment to

Quit smoking and not to borrow from others again.

But I can only hope that he learns and grow

Up quickly.

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(Deleted comment)
Thank you.
And I hope no one's breaking your heart.

Have a good start to the week.

When helping isn't helping


I guess like what you have mentioned, repaying for him could be the easiest way, yet not the best as it does not cure the root of the problem.

Many people go into debt or smoking not because they want to, but there could be issues lying behind that has made him do it.

For me, I guess the best way is to really let him know that you care. Tell him that the fact that you don't approve of his lifestyle does not mean that you do not love him. I guess it's not the action that you dislike but the consequences that follows with such habits. Take time to let him see your concern without rushing things and I believe that he will eventually open up.

We are all humans... all we need is affections, knowing that we can fall on someone irregardless of what we might have done.

Reminds me of a song that says : "your broken past dont matter, I've always believed that you're worthed more than this."


Re: When helping isn't helping

Thank you for your comment - yes we had a good conversation, my brother and me, regarding this. Will update when I have more time. Cheers!

My blood is only 7% of me ...

Hi, just dropping by and leaving my comments as I can empathize what you are going through.

I do hope you have better luck with your brother than my scenario. To be in debt can be due to many reason but if it is related to personality wants, then it may be a vicious cycle for more bad surprises in near future. 21 can be a make or break age. My brother is 26, and I just hope he can curb his smoking, empty promises and gambling habits. The whole family especially my parents are hurt but they feel he is their responsibility. For me, I do blame myself for not highlighting the problem to them much earlier and condoning his actions by my talk and inaction. Every house has its story and coping mechanism and I really hope you wont experience what I am going through.

Blood is thicker than water, though it only makes up 7% of my body, it is enough to take my life away (by all the disappointment and hurt).

Re: My blood is only 7% of me ...

Gambling is a big problem.

That's where you step in. A support but also a guide :)

I think many of the ljers have already given you good advise. Anyway, your brother and us are in the y generation (I am young too..haha) which mean friends come before family and hate people to nag. Somehow I envy your brother to have such a caring brother like you...(coz I do not have a caring brother)....update on the outcome... :p

he is still young..don't stress over it. unless it happens all the time then I will be concerned ;)

I am afraid that, uncurbed, it grows like a canker into a problem that cannot be contained....

Could it be that he respects you and didn't want to disappoint you, knowing you would want him to be proper? Maybe at that moment, he made an irrational choice which he may not be able to explain himself!

Sometimes we need to fall so that we learn, it's akin to how you would put yourself in a position of choice so you know what really matters to you :P

Yes. Hence the need to see things from a different perspective.

Borrowing per se is not wrong - most people borrow. Borrowing for the wrong reasons, that's another thing. And much as I dislike it, I wouldn't come down too hard about the smoking: I may not approve, but he has a choice to make. As long as he makes it wisely, and understands the costs of each stick on his health and budget..... We all learn from the school of hard knocks... Glad you took the time to care to be there for him...

Yups I agree with you. I will only be able to indicate my displeasure over smoking (and other things) but it is he who would live his own life, so he has to make his own choices.

especially now there are IRs that he's eligible to access to make a punting to gain more cash...make sure he dont go there, otherwise it can be worse than you expecting. if he goes there, dont hesitate to apply for exclusion. take care!

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