:: Taking Care of Others ::
A good start to morning – I was listening to this
Cute song by The Cure on Lush FM:
I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Oh, Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love
Saturday, wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday, never hesitate...
Only to be disrupted by my younger brother Bren.
Just passed his birthday in August in his twenty first,
I learned that he has been smoking for a while, and that
He has borrowed some money from a friend
And is in debt. I am affected, because there are a few
Underlying issues – first of all, he did not approach me
For money even though he needed the cash.
Secondly, he was willing to get himself in debt for
Things like cigarettes and his bike installment.
While I will help him with his situation, I wonder
What would be the best course of action.
Helping to repay, without a firm commitment from Bren
Not to borrow again, will only exacerbate the borrowing
Habit – if we do not drill down to the real cause
Of the problem. I asked for the contact of his friend
Which he borrowed from. And then, a commitment to
Quit smoking and not to borrow from others again.
But I can only hope that he learns and grow
Up quickly.
Re: When I was 21,
And I hope no one's breaking your heart.
Have a good start to the week.
When helping isn't helping
I guess like what you have mentioned, repaying for him could be the easiest way, yet not the best as it does not cure the root of the problem.
Many people go into debt or smoking not because they want to, but there could be issues lying behind that has made him do it.
For me, I guess the best way is to really let him know that you care. Tell him that the fact that you don't approve of his lifestyle does not mean that you do not love him. I guess it's not the action that you dislike but the consequences that follows with such habits. Take time to let him see your concern without rushing things and I believe that he will eventually open up.
We are all humans... all we need is affections, knowing that we can fall on someone irregardless of what we might have done.
Reminds me of a song that says : "your broken past dont matter, I've always believed that you're worthed more than this."
Best,
B
Re: When helping isn't helping
My blood is only 7% of me ...
I do hope you have better luck with your brother than my scenario. To be in debt can be due to many reason but if it is related to personality wants, then it may be a vicious cycle for more bad surprises in near future. 21 can be a make or break age. My brother is 26, and I just hope he can curb his smoking, empty promises and gambling habits. The whole family especially my parents are hurt but they feel he is their responsibility. For me, I do blame myself for not highlighting the problem to them much earlier and condoning his actions by my talk and inaction. Every house has its story and coping mechanism and I really hope you wont experience what I am going through.
Blood is thicker than water, though it only makes up 7% of my body, it is enough to take my life away (by all the disappointment and hurt).
Re: My blood is only 7% of me ...
Sometimes we need to fall so that we learn, it's akin to how you would put yourself in a position of choice so you know what really matters to you :P