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Dreams are what you wake up from.

14 years of Livejournalling, and hopefully, more to come.

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:: the choices we make ::

Mother ranged me up.
She wanted to tell me that B is quitting school.
"He has been skipping school for a few weeks already," she said.
"The teacher wants me to go down to sign an undertaking to allow them to cane him."
"Just a few days ago, the teacher actually cut his hair because it was too long."
I had been expecting this.
Since the lunar new year.
B did not do well enough last year to cross over to secondary four.

After some deliberation, I gave him a call.
"Hello," I said.
"Hello," he replied.
"Do you know why am I calling you up?"
No answer.
"Are you expecting good or bad news? Bad right?"
"I heard that you are planning to leave school."
"Yeah, I want to study privately," he declared.
"If you cannot even spend half a day in school, what makes you think that you will be able to devote any time to studying if you have to work for a whole day?"
"As your brother, you know that I've never forced anything on you. But I want you to know that you will have to take responsiblity for your actions.
And you should know that I will not continue to give you your weekly pocket money, as part of the deal that we made years ago."
"I know."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'll go find some work to do. There's a weekend job at the Turf Club..." he mumbled.
"How much is it paying?"
"About eighty dollars for afternoon to night."
"Working with your friends?"
"Yeah. And from next year onwards I'll take my O levels privately."
"I can guarantee you that you will never get over your Os if you decide to quit now;" I was getting reactive.
"The moment you quit school, that's it. The school's the best place to facilitate your studies. Once you're out there will be so many distractions that you'll never be able to find time."

I knew I was trying and I wanted to go on trying.
But I knew that it was useless.
All I can hope for, is that the high price of early independence will hasten his maturity.
That he will get a chance to study again.
"It will not be easy. Remember that this is your decision and you can blame no one," I repeated.
"I know."
"And remember not to move into anything against the law. Do not ever get your mother, your sister or myself into trouble."
"I won't."
"And remember that I'm always a phone call or an sms away."
And the conversation ended.

I have vaciliated from being a strict brother that spent every sunday coaching and scaring him away.
To one that has given him the freedom to choose, be it right or wrong.
In any case, the decision has been made.
We will just have to make the best of it.
And move on.

sometimes people have to discover things for themselves to be able to make decisions.

while you're concerned, 16 isn't exactly a very young age to be already. you've done your bit by offering to be there (and to continue to be there). don't worry too much and just let things be.


let's hope so.
see you soon.


some just have to take a different path than others. Could be more difficult but possibly the only one route that he would see for now.

Just shower him more attention and care. Home is always the best cushion for hard knocks. And it's never far from getting people straightening their thoughts when the warmth of home always give 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances.

People can't get too bad if they know to seek comfort from home.

think you got it there.
he has his home; i have mine.

but of course i'll have to constantly remind him that i'm around. and that i care.

Perhaps he will be happier with the choice he made. Even though he's still abit young to know what he wants.


that sounded harsh but i know how it feels like to be in your shoes. i hope he can turn over a new leaf and strive for his own future. :)

Its must be really hard to be a big brother. Just keep on trying to the extend that u don't over pressure yourself and not pushing him to the limit...But its alright that its his life he just have to take responsibility to the decision that he made.

you better take good care of yourself at Auz as well.

Some day he is going to look into this conversation you had with you and regret.

I have a cuz who is in a home now. I look forward to his release, but I am not as close to him compare to you and your brother. I hope he will see that the family still care for him.


Let's hope so. I'm always reminded of the story of the prodigal son.

-> some just have to take a different path than others

he said it all.

i tend to find ppl who leave school earlier than the norm has a rather huge self-motivation to receive further education in the future. The only cons that i see will be that it is harder for them to understand the material. But they still can fit into the society and lead a happy life.

the worst thing is not being able to walk a path that you know, but not those who didn't walk the path they didn't know, they cannot picture, those who do not regret if they have not walked on those path.

"In any case, the decision has been made.
We will just have to make the best of it.
And move on."

Well said.

I think you've done the best thing any brother could have done. Now it's time for him to find his own place in this world. Just always keep a watchful eye.

I guess you've done all that can be done... The rest is up to him... And who knows? It may all still work out in the end...


We each must find our own way in life. Our responsibility as elders is to inform them as much as possible, and to help them when they fall.

Good luck.

"as elders"....

whoa very old leh.

as long as the bonds between siblings are still as strong, i am sure your bro will understand what you are doing for him is for his own good. how i wish i have such a caring bro like you...:)

you knew this day will come one day...
but that knowledge din't make it any easier, did it?
you gave him the freedom to live his life,
that will be enough for now.
but you also gave him ur love,
And that will be enough for a lifetime.

read my last post... something in there for him.