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Dreams are what you wake up from.

14 years of Livejournalling, and hopefully, more to come.

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:: all the lonely people, where do they all come from ::

Gave counselling to a young lad today.
Let's call him A.
A's boss approached me after learning of the chronic depression.
And so I initiated a session of counselling, with the boss's silent presence, of course.
A had spent a couple of years in Melbourne before returning to Singapore.
And since his parents have migrated over to Melbourne as well, he is quite alone in Singapore.
What made it worse was that his 'best' friends, who bunked in with him over the weekends just stole his valuables while they were staying over at his place last weekend.
This has made him even more wary about the people around him.
His routine besides work is to "go home and watch TV", even during the weekends.
"I am lonely," he said.

How does one counsel a person who is lonely?

I suggested that there are certain self-doubts as well as an inferiority complex problem that should be confronted.
I questioned A on his closest support.
"My family."
I challenged A to think of ways to suppress this loneliness.
"I will go to church."
He's a catholic.
Catholic churches are rather sombre, I thought.
Not too conducive for making friends, but oh well.

There must be more than that. I pondered for a moment and offered a few simple suggestions myself.
"Go for a course that you enjoy, ballroom dancing, pottery, calligraphy, whatever. You'll be able to find like-minded friends that way, without feeling too awkward."
"You can also go online and get to know people on a more personal level without the physical restraint via blogs such as blogspot, blogger, livejournal..."
I was deliberate not to put 'livejournal' as the first choice. Wonder why.
And the session was ended.
There was more of course, but I shan't elaborate.

What really struck me was that there are actually lonely people out there.
There are people who spend their weekends alone.
I recall a good friend confiding in me that she was so lonely that she actually talked to the fan, listening to the reverberations of the whirling blades.

I've got nothing else to note down.
Except the fact that I'm thankful that I've got constant company.
And of course, I earnstly hope that no one will need to go lonely.

jus passing by.....

was thinking.....one can also feel alone even with a group of people.....

i agree fully.
sometimes i wonder whether loneliness is internally-induced or externally-induce.

wonder wonder.

When is my counselling session? :)

cheep cheep. $100/half hour.

go sleep you chicken.

pox i mean.

when you say "young" how old was he?
as for catholic churches being sombre places - urm well i know many people who might disagree...will let you off on that one but it can be a good place to find friends - as it turns out my best and closest friends are from church....

anyway, i went to a class for pri 5 and 6 catechists (roughly sunday school teachers) and we were told to look out for loneliness as one of the major issues facing our young students today. it's partly because people are having smaller families (er was your lonely young man an only child?) but partly because between long school days and lots of homework they don't actually have any time for social interaction.

back to your young man: if you never had time to try ballroom dancing or pottery when you were younger it makes it that much harder to start once you have left school or uni and started to work....

my own contribution to this is when people say they are "bored" to check as to whether they are in fact "lonely". people will quite happily admit to being bored but being lonely is harder to express.

He's probably twenty this year.

I agree with the last part. That's why I commended him for being able to acknowledge and accept the fact that he is "lonely" and "depressed". That is already half the battle won.

Came across this post, so I decided to share my experiences

I was feeling lonely when my close friends started "disappearing"
1. One close friend of mine left for overseas study.
2. A friend doesn't want me to hang around with him and his lover.
3. When my ex-lover started avoiding me
4. I shun my uni friends cos their interests doesn't fit into my profile

The feeling was quite torturing then. Luckily, I started to make more friends and the loneliness started to part me. I have a fair share of friends for company. Friends will remove the loneliness in the heart, (besides lover). The more the merrier.

20 is a quarter of the life, if he make more initiatives, loneliness will slowly creep away.

I'm in the same stage as you were previously. Haven't gotten to the part of making more friends. Ah well ...

perhaps you got to find out the root cause of the loneliness. maybe it's not as simple as finding someone to be an activity partner or finding something to do.

maybe he doesn't have someone whom he can trust and talk to.

well... he has you.
tat's a start...

actually i'm just playing the role of the counsellor.
it's the role of the counsellor not to get himself directly involved with the 'client' so as to maintain a third-person's point of view.

erm, and no puns intended.

everyone is lonely even when they have people around them.
well at least he acknowledges the fact that he is lonely...and what asshole friends he has!

it brings to mind someone's profile heading:
"better alone than badly accompanied" =)

Nice to know you’re helping this chap out. It takes a great deal to put down his masculine ego and confide in you. I sense that the root of it is a fear of alienation and a need for connection.

I was just thinking that maybe We are all lonely creatures and will always be!

“Loneliness” may have been given bias press coverage in our contemporary society, making it seem as if it is a condition that only affects a particular group of people. It is like a defensive attempt by the egoistic society to admit their own weakness/loneliness, and thus scapegoat this particular group to hold ownership of the condition.

I guess we all fear alienation and are constantly finding ways to escape from our prison of loneliness - that’s why we go all out to make connection with friends, lovers, and religions etc. We wouldn’t have done so in the first place if we were not lonely right?

Then, we can never get rid of our loneliness but can only suppress it into our unconscious – this means that it will always be lingering in us, and will leak out into the conscious throughout the course of our lives when the conditions are right.

Well, back to that chap. I’m glad you’ve initiated the session and helped him realise certain issues. I guess he may need a few more follow ups to basically talk things out and have a listening ear.

Good luck!

PS: David Riesman's The Lonely Crowd may be an interesting read.


I wouldn't recommend any books to him... it takes only one to read.

*la la la*

lonliness aint that bad sometimes..some weirdos like me kinda enjoy it.

u mean u didn't know... there are lonely people out there?

there are always lonely people, but i was surprised that there are people who really live with themselves and eat with themselves and etc etc and maintains no contact with anyone else.


I believe that he needs to be aware of the options that he has and how to protect himself from feeling this way, and do the things he like to do.

Yes, people can get lonely enough to talk to inanimate objects; Wong Kar Wai always try to capture the loneliness of different people in his films.

so what objects do you talk to?


Personal Experience

Many a times i do feel the sense of loneliness as well. Even though i have tons of friends ard and family ard but i still feel lonely. Why is this so? At times when i feel lonely i just wanted to talk to someone but yet i do not know who to call.Guess these normally happen is due to the fact that i have a lack of goal in my life and thus too much free time on hand and resulted in "thinking too much" on how our life sucks and thus taking what we actually had for granted.
Livejournal, blog i would say its a good thing for its a way for us to express out what u would actually feels and to let ppl know who u actually are. And with each comment that you have receive you your blog you would actually knows that there is someone out there who knows you for who you really are and also care enough to read your blog.
Least thats what i feel

Re: Personal Experience

So where's your blog?


Re: Personal Experience (Anonymous) Expand
i am actually happy to be alone sometimes.

hello, father mckenzie!

hey you know it!

*seriously impressed*

I'm not father mckenzie; i don't dry my socks at night.