December 25th, 2002


Christmas Day

Watched LOTR2 after hours of warcraft. The movie's long and good. Adhered well to the book. Hoped to see more magic and spells at work but oh well.

The end of the year is approaching; the yearning returns. l yearn to do so much. l feel so diminished sometimes that there is a deep-seated need to strive towards the elusive epitome that l know not of. lt is somewhat similar to the subconscious need to remove that stain on your favourite white shirt. As much as you try to remove it, it just won't go away. And for that, it's tainted.

Perhaps l should learn to let go, and to acknowledge that l don't always have to strive for the best. Yet, to abandon this value is to betray the guiding principles that made me what l am.

Contemplation breeds self-awareness, and this awareness isolates oneself from others.

And lonliness prevails.