I am glad I'm finally catching a breather. The new posting came with the anticipated stress; and the political working environment doesn't alleviate the situation. Nevertheless a major milestone is over. I am glad to be able to resume the usual gym and run sessions I had till late last year.
Now I get the perfect excuse for my car audio upgrade. I have been wanting to upgrade my car audio system. Having made a resolve to keep my car for a good ten years, I reckoned that it was only fair that I improve the audio system a little. Nevertheless, I'm clueless about audio systems, and the last thing I would want is to be ripped off by some immoral dealer recommending some super-duper-expensive audio system. Nevertheless I made a trip down to Alexandra Village to take a look, and feel absolutely lost. That threatened the morning, but hard session at the gym followed by pool laps made the day a more fruitful one. I shall resolve to do a little more research on what I really need before making the investment. Or perhaps I do not need an upgrade; the money could be shelved aside for that unanticipated rainy day?
Yet again, like a long lost friend, the words came back to me last night. What is the meaning of it all? It's like when you know that you ought not to do something yet indulge in it, but you are unable to stop it. Is there a need to stop it, is there a need to control oneself? Or is there a need even to think about whether there is a need to? For those who do not know they do not know, can they be blamed? And are those who know that they do not know, then, burdened by the knowledge of their disability?
I guess it is applicable in every sense. Brenden told me today that he failed both his AMaths and EMathes test. Instead of reprimanding him for not working harder, I calmly reminded him that all I want of him is to be responsible for his actions. I can see Brenden growing older, from a young kid to the current teenager that I once was. I know that he would soon be out of my reach and control, and that he'd be spending his weekends on his own, with his friends. We might drift further apart, with the less physical contact and communication. There is without doubt a tinge of regretful sadness that remains etched in my heart, knowing that I am powerless to control his future. Guess we'll just do the best that we can do, eh?
Postscript : At the end of the day, every battle is fought internally. As long as I believe in myself and my conscience (and my belief is justified), nothing really matters.