There's always this sense of failure that looms.
It's the same problem of "I'm not good enough", "Why can't I be better", so on and so forth.
It's an self-imposed punishment. Yet I don't think it's a mental condition. My parents have never asked more than what I could give.
Maybe it's the inner self, that pushes me and urges me on.
Then again, maybe I've never accepted myself for what I really am.
It's the DISCIPLINE word. I feel a need to push myself further, to work harder, train to be fitter, to reach that illusionary epitome that never exists. In introspection, it can be scary. Very scary. It works like a drug. It gets harder and harder to reach a higher level. And perhaps one day I will fall.
And then again, it's all in the matter of the mind.
Life goes on. A minute later and all would be forgotten, on the conscious level anyway.
But I'm perturbed by the fact that I could think that I have never accepted myself.
Must be the champagne.